Monday, June 2, 2008
it's not marriage, it's the whole name game
Taking someone’s last name after marriage reminds me of the kids that like to put labels on everything they own. Like the kid at summer camp that had to write his name on every shirt, water bottle and toiletry he brought with him. Why do I need to take a man’s name? It’s not like some neighbor kid is going to steal me other wise. And if we are going to continue this slave/master practice of stepping under the Patriarchal umbrella, then let’s call it what it is, skip the diamond “consolation prize for submitting a part of my soul” and just write “Mrs. Tom Jones” in sharpie, and all caps, on the back of my neck. That way, if I ever run off or lose my way, they know to return me to my rightful owner.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
11 comments:
you should read this article about this very subject your talking about. I can't remember where it was exactly but it was by a lady who decided not to change her last name when she got married. Anyways to make a long story short she basically said after 15 years of being married she'd wished she had because it just made everything more difficult. And then when she had kids they would have this double last name with a hyphen and if someday their child decided to get married to a double last name with a hyphen person like them selves, then their poor children will have four last names. It was pretty amusing, especially since it was by someone who originally had decided not to change their name. and I love having the same last name as my wife it helps me feel even closer to her. anyways... sorry i wrote a novel and ended it on a sappy love note.
morganne, my dear, your thoughts are candidly l-o-v-e-l-y. i think i agree 100%: my mother never changed her surname, and i've always respected her for maintaining that part of her identity. (and actually, in korea, it's traditional for women to keep their last names as a mark of respect to their parents. beautiful.)
so raise the roof to not having to be branded something entirely different halfway through life!
oh p.s. this is lia, by the way. happy to have found your blog!
I say we ditch names entirely and simply point or gesture towards people we talk to or about. And if they are not present then we can recover the picture of that particular person in our walletsize photobook of everyone we know or discuss.
did that make sense? either way.. its an excellent idea in my head.
I decided that (eventually when I get around to it) I'll take Jon's last name. I could take Jon's or keep my dad's and since I chose to marry Jon and have an actual emotional attachment to him, I decided to ditch Hamlicker.
reasons why i'm keeping my name:
1 it's legitimately awesome
2 changing it would be a pain in my butt (ssn, license, banks...)
3 it's changed to his in church records so i'm a dalzen where it counts
4 i'm not picky. my kids will be dalzen. so, we'll still be the dalzens.
it's funny bc when we were dating erik told me he was fine with me keeping my last name & i was totally against it. but a month before we wed he asked if i was still planning on changing, and i said nope! he was disappointed. his thoughts were that couples w/different last names were more prone to get divorced.
my thoughts were, i really enjoy being carrie kim.
i love you morganne. ps. you have the same address?
morganne,
you should move to puerto rico. back there, women dont have to change their last names to their husbands'. my parents have been happily marrried for 40 years and my mom happily continues using her maiden last name. so it does not matter who i married i will do the same too. i will keep my last name. and if i get lost, i hope my husband can still find me. good thing i have big hair.
i love all your comments so much. you guys are major ass kickers!!
I've accepted the idea of taking a guy's name as long as I'm trading up. If he has some piece of crap last name like Barfus, Skanky, etc. you better believe that's not happening. If however it's awesome, like Dangerfield or something, I'm totally there.
P.S. I found your blog.
he he. i found yer blog.
Post a Comment