So, my disgust with the BYU Women's Services has been long running. It began with horribly executed and addressed "eating disorder awareness" posters and is maintained not only by those still existing posters but also but the mere fact that they list "pornography" as a women's issue-presupposing that if a husband has a "problem" with it, it is the wife's duty to take action and seek out options.
Today, my disgust increased. We are back in the fifties ladies and this upcoming Feb. 19th, it will be made manifest:
January 22nd: "Nutrition for the New Year"-cooking for one...or TWO!
February 19th: "Flirting 101"--for singles AND married!*****this is the one!
March 26th: "Lifelong Learning"-extend education beyond your degree!
Now, I do realize that the mission of the BYU WC is to address topics relative to the campus, but why are these topics culturally relevant in the first place? Why are eating disorders and pornography problems so prevalent here? You could say its a matter of noticing or being more aware or knowing that pornography is a sin and therefore being hypersensitive to it. I would say that it is the attention to control and perfectionism that is rampant in Mormon culture. It breeds this interior hysteria over the notion of "Perfect". Eating disorders are about control-women and men who have them are not "Fed Up With Food", as the poster slogan says. Pornography, culturally, lies in the level of mystery and wrongdoing which is so appealing-when something becomes "bad" or "sinful", it becomes enticing and interesting. Sex is interesting and alluring. I don't reject addiction to control or sex or what have you-I just don't think BYU is addressing the core issues or -in case of women and pornography-the right audience. That's not to say that if it is a real issue in the household, that wives shouldn't be involved. Pick your addiction, couples do need to work together and help each other to overcome and work through them. I'm saying, why should only women be addressed publicly for seeking help, on campus? Why are the posters aimed at them? I see dramatic inequality in responsibility and a huge discomfort in talking about sex. Why not a Men's Services then? Why can't men be addressed to help a loved one with an eating disorder?
**Note: Another problem I have with the porn poster is the idea that only men look at porn or have problems with it!
8 comments:
here in VA at church, when pornography is discussed, all are addressed, but mainly the men are the target audience. i think they are including women more often because of the trends of society. its not a men's issue more or less than its a women's issue. if your spouse is dealing with it then you both are. maybe the BYU WC is taking those themes because the bishops are dealing with them more often.
hey, don't be knocking the 50's household. those mommas sure looked hot and they knew how to cook:)
Of course pornography is a women's issue. It's also a men's issue. It's the most widely addressed topic to groups of Mormon men (since that's who we're talking about).
In addition, there's an entire school of feminist thought (not pseudofeminism like that so often found on BYU campus) that pornography is the primary cause of the subjugation of women in patriarchal society.
I know what you mean and I can see why you take offense to so much of what you have to deal with on campus, but seriously, lambasting the existence of a support group for women married to pornography addicts? If my wife was an alcoholic or a drug addict, fucking A I'd be grateful for a support group for Husbands of Alcoholics/Narcotics addicts/whatever.
I love you dearly, Morganne, but don't let your often-reasonable distaste for an equally often-ridiculous puritanical culture prevent you from seeing the forest for the trees. There are actual battles against true subjugation and objectification that need your attention and passion more than a straw man like that one.
i really am so glad about our conversation(s) today. thanks for posting so honestly on the internets.
i agree with you morganne. thanks for expressing yourself so sincerely on your blog.is refreshing to read people opinions on things, wether i agree or not. but i do agree with ya on this one of course!
I was sent this link by someone who knows that I work for WSR, and I've been going back and forth on whether I should comment. You probably won't see this anyway, but I need some peace of mind.
First of all, you're not the first person to complain about the Fed Up poster. But people complain about them every semester, and our director doesn't know how to appease everyone, and frankly, that's not her job. The group leader interviewed all of the Fed Up members and they said that the image depicted was what got them in to seek counseling in the first place. And I guess I don't really understand what is wrong with promoting eating disorder awareness. Whatever. I should also probably clarify what Fed Up is: it's a 12 step program where girls who have overcome eating disorders mentor girls who are struggling to overcome them. They seem to think it's a good service.
Onto pornography. So... what IS the core issue? We're open to suggestions. Also, we know that women with pornography addictions exist. That's why we've been working with the library for four months to try and get the porny romance novels out of the sampler section. Just because we don't proclaim it on a banner doesn't mean that we're not working for that cause. And I doubt that anyone who participates in the Loved Ones group feels like their husband/brother/boyfriend/fiance could get through their addiction without their support and understanding. The counseling center offers support for men who are addicts; why can't we help the women, who are so often overlooked when it comes to addiction? Why ARE the posters from Women's Services advertised for women?
And so what if some people lack so many social skills that they feel like they need a workshop to learn how to flirt, or even act normally in social situations? That was one of our best-attended workshops. I don't know if that reflects poorly on us, or on the BYU population.
Honestly, I wish that you or people who agree with you would come to our office and tell us how you feel. It seems like there is a lot of misinformation being perpetuated. How are we supposed to know that you feel like we should be called Women's Disservices? We get plenty of women coming in each week for counseling, and they haven't stormed our offices in outrage for the services we provide for them. I don't exactly know what people expect from us... our services seem to be pretty generous compared to other campus's. If you think that a Men's Services should exist, you should petition for one. That's why WSR exists: a bunch of women got a task force together and laid out all of the reasons that a women's center should exist at BYU, with a primary purpose as a victim's advocate center for those who have been sexually assaulted or raped. But of course, you wouldn't know that we want those women come in, because we don't advertise it on a big poster. We wouldn't want people to think that rape is a woman's issue.
I understand this is your personal blog and you can write whatever you want. But honestly, this post sounds like you don't have a CLUE about the WSR or women's issues in general. I'm not affiliated with the WSR but I know people who are and I recently graduated from BYU so I've seen the posters you're complaining about.
Your particular comment, implying that the WSR thinks that "if a husband has a 'problem' with [pornography], it is the wife's duty to take action and seek out options." You couldn't be farther from the truth. I don't know if you're married or even in a relationship, but it might come as a surprise to you that when one person has an addiction/problem, it can emotionally, mentally, and physically affect the other person in the relationship. Those women need support to overcome the pain/confusion they deal with because of their husband's/boyfriend's/etc. problem. It's not so they can take on the responsibility of getting their husband help or figuring out what HE needs to do. It's for them.
As far as the "Fed Up with Food" posters, you can't cater to everyone's need but obviously they have been effective since girls across campus are getting help with eating disorders. Again, this is a WOMEN'S SERVICE center, not men's services so why you expect them to be advertising to men is beyond me.
The flirting activity? That just sounds like plain old fun and if you don't like it, don't go. Trust me though, I've met plenty of girls and guys at BYU who are socially challeneged and could have benefited enormously from that activity.
This honestly sounds like you are just sick of the BYU culture and want some way to express your "differentness" or rebellion against it. That's fine, but don't insult an organization that tries its best to help women at BYU who are struggling or don't fit the mold of a perfect co-ed and need some help.
Girl, you don't know what you're talking about. You're way off the mark with this post.
I strongly feel that these issues are systemic and from what I am reading, it seems like the outrage is coming from lack of focus on how the treatment and therapy may help women/men involved. Still, I don't change my position one bit. These are issues very unique to a certain society.
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